Is it really "Just Lunch"?

It’s Just Lunch is not really ”just lunch”.

At least not from my perspective.

I love that part in Sex in the City when Charlotte says… “I’ve been dating since I was sixteen. I’m exhausted! Where is he?”

I identify. OK, so I haven’t been dating since I was sixteen, but I get what she means. I’m a happy person and I’m pretty content with my life the way it is now, but I want more than anything to find that someone special to share it all with. Someone to share the triumphs and the stresses; a partner in crime; someone I can “pitch & catch” with; someone who holds the same vision for their future.

Imagine it’s game day and USC is playing Clemson. You’re at Williams Bryce Stadium, but you’re the only one in the stands. Not quite the same effect, is it? Things are better when shared. It’s the human experience magnified.

Anyway, I’ve been on and off Match.com in the search of the man of my dreams for a while now and I’ve actually had pretty good luck meeting guys. I’ve met some great guys, some cute guys and some odd ones too (bound to be a few rotten apples in the bunch, right?) I’ve had some success, but I seem to keep picking the same type of guys… I either attract the guy who is emotionally unavailable or the one that just has no regard for relationships in general (and by relationships, I mean the ending of them).

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. In the spirit of not being insane, I decided to place my eggs in multiple baskets. I have signed up for e-harmony and I have enrolled myself in It’s Just Lunch.

I did a little research… If you’re not familiar, It’s Just Lunch was founded in 1991 by a woman whose engagement was called off. Finding herself suddenly single, she began the tedious search to meet “normal”, well-educated professionals. (Good Luck !!) Her friends sent her out on blind dates, she tried personal ads (an avenue I have not and WILL NOT be pursuing), contemplated the internet and dating services, but she wasn’t comfortable with any of these options. The ideal date, she decided, was a lunch date or a drink after work and It’s Just Lunch was born. They (apparently) pair thousands of professional singles, so I figured maybe this would be a good venue for me.
The truth is that I’m better when I’m in a relationship. I’m more patient with my kids, more productive at work and just all around happier in general. It’s as if the stars in the universe align and all is right with the world. I also hold the belief that if you’re not happy in your relationship (or with your relationship/s) then you’re just not happy in general. Period. Kind of like that saying… If mama’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy.

So, I’m trying new things and putting myself out there and so far…

… which brings me back to “It’s Just Lunch”.

My new philosophy is that it might be better if someone else does the selecting for me. I have my first phone interview and they immediately tell me of a date they’ve set up for me with John. (I’ll use his real name since this seems to be the main question at hand of my friends who are reading my blog and since he lives in ALABAMA.)

They moved us right from lunch to dinner and drinks (“We find that drinks works better with most people’s schedules and then you have the option of continuing on and having dinner if you want.” my rep tells me.) Ok, I’m flexible. I can go with it, but this is starting to feel like a bait & switch.

They book the reservation and pre-arrange for separate checks. (So, if I have a bad date, I have to pay for it too?…)

Yes, John lives in Alabama and this is the first thing he tells me as he sits down. Oh, and by the way, he was late. He’s excited to meet me and has just flown in. I’m absolutely floored that they’ve paired me up with someone who lives out of state. Seriously flabbergasted. He tells me he’d like to move to Charleston. I ask when. He says when his kids are out of school. His youngest is eight. Duh. It doesn’t take me long to do the math; that’s ten years.

Not that we’re a good match anyway. I suppose if he were 6’4″ and looked like Brad Pitt, that I might consider waiting it out (just kidding), but there is – without a doubt – no spark. I knew that before I found out about his residency, but now I’m thinking this date is a total waste of my precious, scarce time.

And I’m thinking that IJL (as they refer to themselves) might have been a huge mistake.

John: “I’ve never met another girl who likes hockey.” he says.

me: “What do you mean?” I ask him.

John: ”They told me you loved hockey.” he replied

me: ”Nope, not me. They must have confused me with someone else.”

Thinking back to the initial phone interview I had, I remembered the girl asking me about sports. The conversation went something like this (and when I say “something like”, what I really mean is word for word):

girl at IJL: “What kind of sports do you like?”

me: “Well, it depends,” I say. “If I’m watching on TV, I like football and golf, but if I’m at a live event, I could be at any game. I could be at a hockey game.”

Now, I don’t know that I’m not a hockey fan, but I’ve never been to a single game. All I know about hockey is that there is a lot of fighting…

girl at IJL: ”So, do you like to scuba dive?”

me: “Well, I’ve never been, but I love to snorkel and I’d love to learn to dive.”

She tells him I’m an expert diver.

Hello… Is anyone paying attention?

I get a reminder email about my date with John and it reads as follows:

Michelle,

Just wanted to remind you about your date with John tomorrow evening. (note to the reader: this email came two hours before the actual date, not the day before.) We hope that there is a connection and we can’t wait for you to meet her.

Her? Do they not know I’m heterosexual? When it dawns on me that all they’ve done is copy/paste and didn’t look closely enough to realize they needed to change the pronouns.

Strike Three. Four. Five… I’ve lost count. They keep calling me by my first name and not my given, common name (and if you’re wondering, yes I told them.) Who are these people and is anyone actually giving this any time or consideration? Is someone actually looking at personalities, character traits, common goals, and values? Are they using a dart board, because this guy and I had nothing at all in common.

I sent my representative an email on the way home. “We need to talk.” was all it said. I don’t get a return phone call until 4pm the next afternoon. It was not a pleasant conversation.

I have my first face to face meeting next week. We’ll see how it goes…

If you’ve got any stories to share about ‘It’s Just Lunch”, please post them here and thanks.