A Question from Noah...

"Is dating as a single mom a bad thing, Mommy?"

my eight year old, Noah asked me.

This question stopped me dead in my tracks. Wow. What have I said OR what haven't I said, I thought to myself. I've been very focused on writing this book and I haven't kept any secrets about it from my kids. It's been a hot topic of conversation lately and they've had a few questions; mostly, Jacob, who keeps asking me if he can read the book (The answer to which is NO!), but Noah's question really threw me for a loop.

"No, sweetie," I explained, sitting him down on the sofa. "Is that what you think?" I asked him, "...that it's a bad thing?"

"I don't know." he answered back.

I told him that dating as a single mom isn't a bad thing, but that it isn't easy, either. I went on to tell him that when Mommy meets someone new, I have to make sure that he is good enough before I bring him to the house to meet him and his brother. I felt horrible that he had gained that impression.

So, when do you introduce the guy in your life to your kid/s?

Is it after a certain amount of time or is it when the relationship gets to a certain stage?

Sometimes, is it a matter of convenience; as in - I've got one pocket of time and don't want to choose between my kid/s and my guy... Why don't we all do something together?

Sometimes, introducing the man in your life to your child is a test; in and of itself, isn't it? I mean, if he says he loves children, but doesn't walk the talk - isn't it important to figure that out sooner rather than later AND how else do you figure that out than to see him interact with your child/children.

It's a tightrope. How do you find the balance?

Please share your thoughts and post your comments here!

Noah is eight and the questions are really starting to come now. (Lately, he's had lots of questions about his Dad and why we split. I'm not willing to lie to him and I'm not yet ready to tell him the truth either, but that's a topic for another post.)

With Jacob, the questions started coming much earlier. Maybe that's because he was the first - who knows... but, Noah is more naive and is just realizing that he can turn the wheels in his brain himself.

Just yesterday morning I told Noah that Bode was going to the vet to get snipped. He wanted to know what that meant, so I explained about pet population and what it meant to get neutered. He asked if it would hurt Bode and I said, "No, sweetie, they're going to put him to sleep, first."

OMG, the look - on - his - face. Bode is our new puppy and the reason we have a new puppy is because our cherished pet and family member, Sparky was hit by a car in February. His spine was crushed and we had to put him to sleep. It hadn't occurred to me to explain the difference between the two.

Then came the questions about "Why" and "How" and I proceeded to explain what it meant to neuter a dog and sperm and eggs and...

WHOA... It's only 6:45am. I am not properly caffeinated for this. I'm trying to (delicately) explain to a giggling eight year old that both pee and sperm come out of Bode's "winkis" and that the Vet is going to snip the tube that has the sperm so that it can't come out.

"Where does it go?" he wants to know.

"I have no idea sweetie." I say.

Noah seems to be satisfied with this answer and I manage to make myself a cup of coffee and get breakfast started.

Five minutes passes and Noah says, "So, there's sperm in your bed?"

My mind immediately races to the last time there was a man in my bed (not that there have been many). I must have had this stunned, blank look on my face, because Noah then added, "You know, from when Bode was a little baby and peed on your bed by accident?".

WHEW! I let out a huge sigh. Crisis averted. He was talking about the dog.

Thank God for small things.